Today was a beautiful rainy day. The type of rainy day that you almost want to be out in because the rain is so calm and the temperature so warm. It was the type of rainy day that should be lived for. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the rain today, I wasn’t even watching pour lightly outside my window. I was busy doing grown up things, like housework and math homework and writing (As I am doing now). It was the kind of day that when I looked back after everything I was proud of myself to an extent because I woke up in a bad mood and yet I still managed to get everything I needed to get done, done. The type of day that makes me feel as if I could perhaps make it in the world if I tried really hard. A productive and fulfilling day that accomplished all of those important points in life. However, as I stopped this evening and watched it rain out the kitchen window I couldn’t help but feel a little sad. It was such a beautiful rain and It probably won’t be like that for a long time and what was I doing? I was doing important things. What a stupid excuse to miss the one and only feeling of rain hitting your face. I mean, couldn’t have housework and my math and writing have waited till this evening? Were the things that made me feel useful really worth the things that make me feel alive? I would have to say ‘no’ and that. Is why I am pretty sure I’ll never make it anywhere important in life. I will forever be willing to sacrifice my usefulness in return for the pleasures of life.
Working hard is important and necessary, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is that life is often the most horrible deterrent to life, you can be so busy with life that you take the things like a warm summer rain for granted. A warm summer rain is a rare and perfect reason to wake up in the morning but as I grumbled out of bed this morning I didn’t even see the miracle (Forgive the liberal use of the word) happening just outside my cooped up little life. And as I realized what I sacrificed in order to feel needed and useful I felt ashamed because I will never get this day back. I’ll never get this rain and the puddles and the bright, perfect greenery that comes with a shower as the one today. Never again. But I will always have more math homework.
My priorities are unique to me but just as everyone has a specific lesson to share, mine would definitely be that life is happening no matter how you use the time. It’s daunting to think that such major choices must be made every day and honestly, most of the time, the dilemma I’m in now isn’t a problem because I rarely choose responsibility over raw life. And today I got a glimpse into the other side, I regretted it and I missed it and now I will always know where my priorities lie. Not with the need to be useful but with the fleeting feelings of peace possible only in the heart of mother nature.
No comments:
Post a Comment