An Emotionally Drunken Review of X-Men DoFP

"Some incredibly beautiful and perfect

quote said by Professor X about 

Life that makes me want to curl up

on the Floor and cry like a baby but 

I can't remember exactly because 

I was crying when he said it so I just 

got the idea of what he was saying."

Professor X

Sooo... Yeah, I got to see X-Men Days of Future Past yesterday and the reason that I;m writing this post this morning is because last night i was far to emotionally compromised to write... Like.. Anything.. I basically came home ate ten pounds of food and went to sleep as soon as possible. After I cried on my bed for about an hour...

Short review? It was absolutely incredible! I loved it! It had everything you've come to expect in an X-Men movie. It was intense, action packed, emotional, insightful, and it had a wonderful ending and it had some pretty funny parts as well. That being said.. I was devastated after seeing it. Anyone who knows me knows that I have never handled the X-Men movies well, I've seen all of them and I own all of them but I actually only watch them like once, because they screw me up so horribly.I literally had to talk to my therapist about the last one because I couldn't get it out of my head.  I love them, but they really aren't good for me, And I wanted to take a post to try to give a couple reasons why, since it's very hard to explain and there's like a billion reasons, I'll probably only do a couple. These are all basically talking about all of the X-Men movies.

One big BIG reason why the X-Men movies affect me so much is that literally they just scare me. There is no horror movie out there that could sum up my greatest fear quite like the Marvel franchise. I'm quite terrified of the message of those movies, I tend to want to just curl up on my bed with Teddy and hide my face after watching those movies. They're terrifying because they're accurate, humans are afraid of anything different and they will use violence against those things that they don't understand. No one is safe once fear takes over and that scares me, in fact on a more humorous note, when I actually had that realization I stopped being afraid of a lot, I mean, because really I can handle a spider or a snake or foot long centipede just fine. Basically, what's the point of fretting about these indiscriminate dangers in life when humans are the actual threat and they attack with hatred. Those movies are the scariest things ever and no one will be able to convince me otherwise, also the comics aren't much better.

Next reason is how they are just completely and totally the most inspirational and hardcore movies ever. When I walk away after watching the X-Men movies I am left with this heavy weight on my conscience that tells me to do better and understand more. More simply, they make me feel really bad about myself by pointing out all the ways that I could be a better and more hopeful human. Because *Sobs loudly* Professor X is just such an amazing human being and everyone in that movie is so frickin inspirational and perfect!! (Except Scott -____- ). I feel a great responsibility to do better and be better after watching those movies and that's a very tough thing to accept all at once, not only that but it's incredibly stressful. Even thinking about some of those scenes with the young Professor X I'm getting flustered and stressed because *Sobs louder* He had no idea of the person he was going to become and the people whose lives he saved and improved because he made a choice to love and hope rather than hate and become bitter. Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!!! My Feels!!!!

But, also, seriously you had to watch people you love and care about get ripped into pieces and stabbed to death and thrown around like they didn't mean anything. Also understand that you had to see young mutants that you knew tortured dead on slabs. You had to see Tempest's wings displayed after they killed her behind glass like a bug next to Magneto's helmet. I. CAN'T. HANDLE. THAT. You can't possibly expect me to be okay with those images, I'm just saying and I know they fixed everything but NOT THE POINT. Also! the end didn't fix the fact that the bad guy took mutants and tortured and killed them! Young Mutants! I'm talking young adults and teenagers!

Okay, anyway, last thing. If I had to take something away from that movie I would say.. Mystique MYSTIQUE, M Y S T I Q U E,  MySTiqUE,  My poor baby Mystique! Sweet sweet and murderous Raven Darkholme, I love her so much and I just want to hold her and tell her that everything's going to be alright and stab anyone who looks at her wrong. I love Mystique and she's perfect, seriously before if I met somebody badmouthing Mystique I would probably argue with them but after that movie violence will ensue if you talk badly about baby mystique. *Whispers Fondly* She's just so deadly and beautiful and hurt.

Whoo! Anyway all that ranting actually made me feel better about my shattered heart after that movie. It was awesome and I recommend everyone see it :)

Progress

Hey! Anyway, I know that I talk a lot about the fact that when it comes to life.. I'm not doing so great. And that's just the truth, I mean by every stretch of the word I'm a failure, for some reason I've found a way to be okay with that. However, above a lot, I believe that it's seriously important to take a step back and actually take a moment to acknowledge the progress you've made in life. No matter how small that progress is, it's all terribly necessary to living a happy life. Not to brag, but despite everything wrong with my ability to handle life, I consider myself a bit of an expert on living a happy life.. No perhaps happy isn't the right word.. A positive life. I'm awesome at that. Understanding that progress and growth are unique and individual things that can't be measured by anyone but yourself. It's something that you have to examine and make a judgement for yourself, forgetting all pre-conceived notions of success or happiness.

Progress is a slow process and is a constantly working force, pushing us forward at our own pace. But just for fun, and since we are constantly moving into the future, we can look back and see how far we've come, perhaps even predict where you're going or, more importantly, where you want to go. In all reality, it's a bit like an adjustment, a turn left or right on the road of life. We can aim ourselves where we want to go especially after we've figured out both how fast we're moving and the most obvious direction we're headed.

I'm certainly not the person whom I predicted I would be at this point in my life, that person was a lot more capable and spontaneous and fun, also she was a straight A student headed for the sky. I missed that only by a couple million miles, however, even though I'm not even close to that dream human being that I wanted to be when i was ten doesn't mean that the girl I've become isn't interesting or unique in life. Forgetting all that and calculating exactly what I am and how I've improved I can say now that the girl I am now is complicated, tough, and positive, also She's a writer that's headed to just above the sea level where I can dive in life whenever I want to.

Yes, I have a better work ethic when it comes to my writing and I've found ways to connect with people as best as I can, I'm complicated and slightly kooky in my ways. It's not what I expected, perhaps what I should have predicted, however, it's what I am and the greatest thing about knowing all these things is that no matter who I am right now, I will be someone slightly different tomorrow. And that's why life is worth living, it's that predictable unpredictability of our progress and growth from day to day. I quite like the idea that I'm not stuck with the person I am now, I will have me forever along with lots of new pieces and parts and I'm always excited to see how they fit.

Honestly the reason this was on my mind is because I was watching Ze Frank's video on growth and progress and as always, he says it much better than I. I'll post that instead of a GIF because everyone needs Ze Frank in their lives. :)

The Marks on Our Skin

"I kissed the scars on her skin

I still think you're beautiful"

--Pierce The Veil--

There are certain things that I always just love about the human existence, I love them on me and I love them on other people. Things like Smiles, the way our eyes light up when we're happy, and awkward giggles are always at the top of the list since all of those things are attributes that make being around other people worth it and reminds everyone that there's something about them that is eternally beautiful. However, I'm not going to talk about those things, no, I'm going to talk about a piece of humanity that is less obviously awesome and gorgeous. It's often shunned through society and hidden behind cameras or given bad connotations, but it's truly one of my favorite things. What I'm babbling about are the marks on peoples skin and the marks on my own skin. So forgive me if you show a scar of yours to me and I fangirl out a bit but i just adore those little mementos that our bodies give us.

This tends to be a delicate subject, for a lot of people, including me since there are so many opinions of beauty. However, My best friend Simon, while I was talking about a little increase of moles on my skin from being in the sun, stated that they (Moles) are always frustrating because they're so "Imperfect". I don't agree with this statement but I was just getting out and didn't feel like any confrontation that day, however It has been something that has hung on my mind since (Since being Saturday, I believe)  and so that's what I'm going to talk about today. (Disclaimer so no one gets hurt: Simon and I often disagree on these things because she's and artist and I'm a writer so we see things a lot differently and there's nothing wrong with that)

First off, I'd like to mention that the media and society often warps the idea of beauty and perfection into ridiculous and unrealistic proportions and I could rant hours and hours over that but I'm not going to since it makes me grumpy.

Scars; I do hope that I'm not the only one who has a thing about scars, I mean, i understand they their severity can vary but for goodness sake, they're horribly amazing and I personally hate it when people cover them up! Not only is the science behind scars and how your body fixes wounds, big and little,  incredible but also they're like maps of a person's life. Scars that range from falling and cutting your knee, personally inflicted injuries, injuries obtained from fighting for your country honorably, or just from surgeries that you've been through, are ALL worth flashing proudly because they only add to your personality and your body. There is NOTHING ugly about how your body sewed itself up and prevented you from dying, it's natural and beautiful. I mean , I know that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but respect of another person's marks of life should never be debatable.

Moles and Sunspots: Oh aren't these little things adorable? I mean we just have these little tiny parts of our body that produce just a little to much melanin and darken in tiny circles. We always spend our time either hating them or loving them but either way we're always hoping that the little bastards don't become cancerous. These little marks are adorable and unique with just enough danger involved in their process to make us grateful for every day that they're benign. I have my favorite ones on my body and I always love how they shape the look of a persons skin.

Freckles: Oh My God these things are just precious, I mean, they're just adorable on children, on adults, and even on old people. I can't even express how much I love it when people have freckles, it's just one of my favorite things in the whole world. Seriously, if you have lots and lots of freckles, there's a huge chance that I have a massive crush on you.

As you can see, little marks are awesome and fun to talk about. I get a lot more passionate and mad whenever I'm talking about scars because I feel as if it disrespectful of our culture to shun scars as a flaw or portray people with scars as mean or evil. Makes me very angry. However, the others are adorable and give each person's skin depth and their story and unique and entertaining descriptive paragraph or two. Never be ashamed of your own body, your marks, or the bits you've added,  it's a beautiful and special thing that is all yours and not only should it be respected by everyone in your life but it should be respected and appreciated by you. Since, you know, it's yours.

Blushing Wildly

Okay, so I know that I haven't posted in like forever (Forever being since the eighteenth) And Of course throughout all of those days I've had lots and lots of thoughts, many of which, if I were slightly less lazy, would have made great topics for a post. However, I don't remember any of those thoughts and it's late so I'm going to focus on my life right now (Which is LITERALLY basically all I do with my life) Since, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow and everything has been vague lately anyway.

So... As is expected for a writer of 19 (I guess... I really don't F***ing know lmao I don't actually know any other 19 year olds) I spend around 98 percent of my time staring at something and feeling like a complete failure... In like.. everything. And by all accounts that's not very far from the truth depending on which angle you're looking at, sometimes I'm a lot worse than just a failing 19 year old. I predict that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life, just hopefully I won't have quite as much evidence for that statement as I do now. However, as a person who seems to be in a constant state of failing, I've learned to enjoy those moments that remind me that life has some sort of reason behind it. Moments of small success, moments of flattery, moments of pride for someone else, and moments of private smiling, these all make the day to day struggle against disappointment bearable and they all should be in the front of your mind when you fall asleep at night, whether or not you feel as if anything got accomplished that day.

I really haven't written much this week, I have so much writing to do every day and lately all I've done is the stuff that is prompted to me on Tumblr and that's because I love my followers and I would do anything for them at this point but literally everything else is falling behind so fast. I had so many plans for last week and then suddenly its Monday of the next week and I'm just like 'What!?". My phone is gone and so is my alarm and I haven't known what time it is for days, I swear that's probably some of the problem but it's annoying to think I need that alarm to get my butt up and start working. I've got major time issues, most of them because The Doctor hasn't showed up yet and I'm mad... -____- Oh well, I still have lots of time, it's not like the letter to Hogwarts, he could come at any time and take me away into time and space. But seriously, I usually get myself together Sunday and prepare slightly for the week ahead and that didn't happen yesterday... I don't know what I was doing, probably sleeping, but now I've just got to accept that every moment is an opportunity and I don't need to be in control all the time, hopefully that will help me get through tomorrow.

Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week even though it feels like the end of the last one and I just had some great results on a little work of writing that I did tonight and despite being in a constant state of anxiety over life, here I am, blushing wildly and giggling to myself because a bunch of people read and liked my work more than usual, they took time to tell me that they liked it and they wanted more and even though everything's not okay all the time, it's pretty okay right now. :)

I know, I hate these super personal posts as much as anyone but I felt this one was necessary, and if I could turn this into a little lesson.. I would say that.. Not all curve balls in life are negative, sometimes good things hit you in the face and make your night, day, maybe even week and even though you could never know when those are going to happen it's always worth it to wake up and roll the dice to see how it goes each day. It could be bad, it could be good but you'll never know until you try :)

First Week of Summer

"But she and her furry friends

Took down the queen bee and her men.

And that's how the story goes,

The story of the beast with those four dirty paws."

Of Monsters and Men, Dirty Paws

Yes! First week of this summer which I have repeatedly said will be the greatest summer yet, I sure hope that I'm right because I have actually said that to a lot of people, including, but not limited to, my buddy on Tumblr. My confidence may have been feigned more so than I would be proud of, however, I still hold to the belief that this will be a wonderful summer. A summer where things are worked out and barriers are crossed. I believe that this is the summer when friendships will be strengthened and broken and love will become more tangible than ever. I have no proof for this conviction, putting me with the legions of arrogant believers in this world, however, I've kept specifics out so there's something to start with, eh? A prediction with generalizations pertaining to your life can always be achieved since it's your attitude that can be altered and changed, it's not always easy but it's possible and that's a start, one that I'm willing to work with, today, and for the rest of my life. I made this prediction last week before the end of school on a Thursday night when I proudly announced to Simon that "We have nothing to fear ! Because this is going to be the best summer yet!" However, by the time Monday came around, both of us had lost our zealous attitude and instead became admittedly afraid of the days ahead.

I'm terrible with time but I believe that was on a Monday when we realized that we were less confident than previously predicted and now, here we are on Sunday and I'm left analyzing the past few days, most of which I can't even really remember. I never really liked Sunday... Shops are all closed and it's the end of another week.. But lets see how many leaps of faith I can accomplish every Sunday when I track the progress of this oh so amazing summer on this blog.

In all honesty, this week was could be described as a disappointment from my point of view and although I woke up this morning with a grim outlook on the future based on the last few days, I have accepted the usefulness of this dull minded week.If there's a problem, you fix it. If there's a problem but you don't know what that problem is, you first find the problem and then you fix it.  That's exactly why this week will end up being useful in the long run, its evidence that there is a problem but more importantly it can be used to find out what that problem is, not much time, granted but just enough to see a pattern, I believe. Next week will be vital and I can look forward to my favorite stage of repair, the experimentation stage! Yay! I get to make little changes and see how they effect my attitude, its a fun and hands on stage that not only keeps me busy but makes it apparent that I am moving forward in my goals. And I'll make those changes based on the events if this week and I'll make lists and paragraphs and graphs in order to start on a path of self improvement.

I do hope that this post isn't to personal and boring for anyone reading because for me, it will probably end up being one of my favorite posts. This week has been a disappointment, yes, however even though situations cannot always be fixed or changed, attitude can and this post is a great opportunity for me to analyze my own grim attitude left over from this week and perhaps begin to turn into a positive one. One that will set the course for repair and more importunately for the smiles that should be pasted all over my face because this is a wonderful life and should be treated at such. The fact that I had one week that made it blatantly obvious that things need to change should not affect my attitude towards the future, that is simply taking something useful and letting it bring me down for absolutely no reason. A positive attitude can defeat all of life's obstacles; This I truly believe.

And now, for the biggest mystery of this post of which I'm sure you're all wondering about; Why did I choose that quote at the top? The answer is... I don't really know.. I just really like that song and it's the one I've been listening to... I encourage everyone to listen it since it's awesome. :)

Walking Blind

If you asked me what happened yesterday I probably couldn't tell you much about it, I mean I got a few things out of the day but with my mind in a funk (It happens every now and again) chances are my description would be vague at best. I wouldn't even say that I actually remember the day very much, even though, for me, the day was quite eventful, however If you asked me, I would most likely tell you the little things that I remember such as...

1. We went to a tattoo parlor 
2. I got mad at the tattoo guy for being slow 
3. We had Chinese food
4. I dropped the cologne 
5. And I bought a "9" button for fifty billion dollars 

By the end of that eventful day, despite the fact that we were having a decent time, I was ready to go home and go to sleep. I've said before that some days you just don't win and yesterday was one of those days. I tried early on to save it but it wasn't happening so I had to make a decision, one that tends to be seriously difficult but the truth is, it's very straightforward. I knew that I wasn't going to win, I had already lost and I could have spent the whole day in bed but instead I let Simon drag me out of the house and go to several different and new venues. Just because the worlds blurry and dull through your eyes doesn't mean that through the film there's not still a gorgeous and exiting world. That's something that is severely important to remember even though it can be quite painful to understand that no matter what you do or where you go, the world is still going to be dull and far away. Luckily, you still have the notion that the world is still moving and just because your mind isn't involved doesn't mean that you shouldn't be able to experience whats left of your vision.

A great example of this, although perhaps childish, would be Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Although I never saw exactly what was happening when I was a child, I relate clearly these days and understand the point that was being made throughout Eeyore's arc. The donkey was basically always depressed and suffered from the classic symptoms of depression which can often make you distant and cold from the people around you, especially if they don't understand, however, despite the fact that he was depressed Eeyore's friends took him on adventures anyway. They didn't expect him to be happy or get excited, they simply treated him with respect and took him along knowing full well that the adventures weren't going to fix him. It's important to understand how important this bit of information is, Eeyore experienced the same grand adventures that the rest of them experienced, even he didn't see it happen through the same lens as them, he was still there; an absolutely beautiful concept.

And much like how the rest of the animals on the hundred acre wood took Eeyore along without expectations or judgement, I am very lucky to have Simon, someone who not only understands but brings me along in the same selfless way. 

Basically, just because I really can't remember the full extent of my experiences yesterday, I am grateful and appreciative that I had them. :)

Car Rides And Conversations

For me, I can get inspiration in a multitude of weird and generally accurate ways, but today I'm just going to talk about two of those ways. Right now I'm writing with my old computer in the upstairs of Simon's house, in her art studio actually! It's a bit cold but this is my favorite room in the house and it's seven thirty in the morning, so of course, she's fast asleep. In fact, she just told me to wake her up by nine, I have no idea what time she went to sleep last night but I fell asleep before the halfway mark of "Hercules". Anyway! Back to what I was talking about! Two different types of inspiration that always set me up for a productive night. One's active and the other is inactive, so I guess they balance each other out quite effectively but in the end I believe that the effect is the same. Why these two? Well they were laid out in front of me rather blatantly yesterday so that's what I'm going to talk about since the universe will always provide the inspiration needed to create.

The first one I'm going to talk about is Conversations, and I know that this seems a bit dull, I mean, we're humans, we live off of conversations with other human beings. However, I do believe that this form of inspiration is often overlooked when discussing such a subjective thing as inspiration. This is probably logical since for a conversation to give one any real bursts of creativity, it must contain some pretty important factors, otherwise it just gets labeled as "Stock Conversations" and you basically only use those when you're too lazy to come up with any profound dialogue so you put in some BS and plan to insert important character development later.

The first aspect of a really good, inspiring conversation is really the most obvious, however, it's also easily the most important and that is "the right people". You can't have a good meaty conversation when you're bored with the other person or you two "just don't click". No you have to have at least some connections with them and have a rather high opinion of them, because, if you don't the only person whose opinion you'll respect will be yours and you already listen to yourself talk to much. For an effective and deep conversation, you have to be having said conversation with a person who you not only like but highly respect as well.

The second aspect of a proper, useful conversation is (and this is my favorite one) attitude, attitude, attitude. Yes I know I talk about attitude a lot but that's only because I truly believe that it's the key to the universe. SO basically, you will no be able to complete an inspiring conversation if you are not in the right attitude. The correct frame of mind for a person embarking in a good conversation should be divided equally into three separate parts (There's more of course but these are the biggies). 1) Curiosity; You have to be engaged in the other persons mind and willing to dig deep. 2) Open mindedness; How do you expect to get a person to expose vulnerable and interesting parts of themselves if you're a complete ass about things? 3) Objectivity; To really appreciate a conversation with someone and see things from their point of view while simultaneously removing yourself from the equation so that you can better understand their logic or even give them advice, you have got to take a big step back and remove emotions and personal opinions in an attempt to evaluate any new piece of information.

Finally, the third, and honestly the most difficult to pen down is setting, just like in a book or movie, the setting has a lot to say about the frame of mind of the participants and often the quality of the conversation depends on the condition with which it is taking place. Granted, this is purely subjective and reliant on the current situation but for me, I have about three places that make for the best conversations. The first being around a table of some sort, this is a great tool for balancing deep thoughts with trivial actions that can keep your hands occupied while you take apart the secrets of the universe. The second is on a bed of some sort, the squishyness and relaxing atmosphere of a bedroom is always great for a bit of soul searching. And thirdly, my personal favorite, is on a swing set outside, the fresh air and comfort of seeing the other person swaying back and forth while you hold on to the bars is always wonderful for setting emotions straight without it ever getting to stuffy or claustrophobic.

Now for the inactive way to get great conversations, this one is a lot more simple since it's all you but it still manages to be an excellent source of any and all inspiration and that is car rides... Or bus rides, basically any mode of transportation where you can look out of a window while the world skims past you. Nothing beats these really and I don't know why, perhaps its the movement, maybe the fact that your eyes don't have to focus on anything or maybe its because for a little while you are completely helpless when it comes to your destination. Whatever the reason, if you're stuck or need an idea, try to take a ride with somebody, preferable somebody who doesn't talk that much and just let your mind go, I promise you, by the end of a good long ride, your mind will be in prime shape to create something new. :)

In other, and more important news...

We got a Skimmons hug on the Agents 

Of Shield Finale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome Summertime Sadness!

Hey! So this is going to be my summer blog! Also, instead of posting everything I do here, I changed the name of my college blog and will post fanfictions and short stories as I finish them so you should be relatively safe from all the gay here lol. Anyway, that means that on this blog I'm basically going to be posting rants on random thoughts during the course of summer 2014, which I think is going to be a great summer! I know that the name is a bit depressing but I chose it because of the song "Summertime Sadness" By Lana Del Ray, one of my favorite songs. I'll post a video for it here on the first post of "Summertime Sadness". I can't wait to see what happens this summer! I'll keep this short since I have to prepare for some other projects but welcome to my new summer blog! :D