So... As is expected for a writer of 19 (I guess... I really don't F***ing know lmao I don't actually know any other 19 year olds) I spend around 98 percent of my time staring at something and feeling like a complete failure... In like.. everything. And by all accounts that's not very far from the truth depending on which angle you're looking at, sometimes I'm a lot worse than just a failing 19 year old. I predict that I'll feel this way for the rest of my life, just hopefully I won't have quite as much evidence for that statement as I do now. However, as a person who seems to be in a constant state of failing, I've learned to enjoy those moments that remind me that life has some sort of reason behind it. Moments of small success, moments of flattery, moments of pride for someone else, and moments of private smiling, these all make the day to day struggle against disappointment bearable and they all should be in the front of your mind when you fall asleep at night, whether or not you feel as if anything got accomplished that day.
I really haven't written much this week, I have so much writing to do every day and lately all I've done is the stuff that is prompted to me on Tumblr and that's because I love my followers and I would do anything for them at this point but literally everything else is falling behind so fast. I had so many plans for last week and then suddenly its Monday of the next week and I'm just like 'What!?". My phone is gone and so is my alarm and I haven't known what time it is for days, I swear that's probably some of the problem but it's annoying to think I need that alarm to get my butt up and start working. I've got major time issues, most of them because The Doctor hasn't showed up yet and I'm mad... -____- Oh well, I still have lots of time, it's not like the letter to Hogwarts, he could come at any time and take me away into time and space. But seriously, I usually get myself together Sunday and prepare slightly for the week ahead and that didn't happen yesterday... I don't know what I was doing, probably sleeping, but now I've just got to accept that every moment is an opportunity and I don't need to be in control all the time, hopefully that will help me get through tomorrow.
Anyway, it's the beginning of a new week even though it feels like the end of the last one and I just had some great results on a little work of writing that I did tonight and despite being in a constant state of anxiety over life, here I am, blushing wildly and giggling to myself because a bunch of people read and liked my work more than usual, they took time to tell me that they liked it and they wanted more and even though everything's not okay all the time, it's pretty okay right now. :)
I know, I hate these super personal posts as much as anyone but I felt this one was necessary, and if I could turn this into a little lesson.. I would say that.. Not all curve balls in life are negative, sometimes good things hit you in the face and make your night, day, maybe even week and even though you could never know when those are going to happen it's always worth it to wake up and roll the dice to see how it goes each day. It could be bad, it could be good but you'll never know until you try :)
No comments:
Post a Comment